Wednesday, August 07, 2013


 photo 572FCC3B-7955-4E39-88D7-FDA81F8FF075-27631-0000267FAD0EA96A.jpg
For a few weeks earlier this year, I was seeing the guy who developed the app pictured above. I guess I'm not seeing him anymore; it's been a month since I've heard from him. It's a thing I'm learning. People are capable of vanishing from each other's lives without explanation.

Anyway, he developed the app, and I downloaded it the day it was released. The next day at my desk, I aimed the camera in four different directions and captured four different palettes. These are the colors the camera picked up.

Later that evening, I showed him the results. He looked at me thoughtfully through a cloud of peach-scented vapor from his electronic cigarette. "How does this make you feel?"

"Dead inside!" I replied with false brightness. He was still staring at me, so I continued talking. I knew if I thought about it any more deeply than that, I'd start crying, and that wasn't something we shared, he and I. "Whatever creativity left in me is being sucked away, and my thoughts are becoming grey. I think I'm getting...stupider? Is that a word? I don't even know anymore. So...dinner?"

I've been thinking about it a lot lately, how far away from myself I've grown, how to come back around to where I want to be, to who I want to be. I feel like I keep stepping off in the wrong direction.


judith said...

Do you like your job? Do you like your home? Do you like the town you live in? Maybe you just need a change...

SuzannaBanana said...

I definitely need a change, Judith. One of the good things to come out of seeing that guy was that I started questioning everything in my life that I'd previously taken as fact. It's exciting.

judith said...

Isn't it great when you start seeing things in a different light? That can sometimes help your life make a turn.