Tuesday, September 02, 2014


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"Hey, baby? Could you get me a Bandaid?"

"Sure. Where did you put the...OH MY GOD!"

"It's not that bad. I'm just gonna apply pressure," I said, reassuringly. Of course, with my finger in my mouth, it came out more like "iffthsnut thut bud..."

"Why is your finger in your MOUTH!?"

"Because it...I figured it would...keep blood off the floor? Look, I don't know why I do what I do. The best you can hope for is that you don't become collateral damage."

"Why don't you try not injuring yourself while doing routine home maintenance tasks?"

"Have you _met_ me? We've known each other how long - a dozen years - and you haven't figured it out yet? This is precisely why my first aid kit is so well stocked."

It's been about three weeks, and it's pretty much healed. This was a few days after it happened; it's much better now. The cut was deep enough to sever nerves, so there is a band of tissue across my thumb that feels tingly, like Lidocaine just starting to wear off. I find myself rubbing it against the edge of my desk, pressing against it with my fingernail, poking it with my pen, in part to see if the sensation has come back yet, but more because I'm fascinated by that hard, shiny line where I can't feel anything.

Monday, September 01, 2014


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This month's theme, Heal.

I have so much I want to say about this. I've thought about it quite a bit recently, wondered about the differences between healing and scarring, getting past something versus really putting it behind you and moving forward. I feel like I've done a little of each of those things over the last three years, with varying degrees of success. Mostly, I feel as though I've survived, and I'm proud of that, but it isn't always enough. There are emotional wounds that have closed up without completely healing. There are scars so tight that they're keeping me from being able to move the way I want to move.

This is shaping up to be a weird NaBloPoMo month. It might be the first one that truly feels personal to me. It will also be the first one that Mr. Wolf will be live-reading, as he's sitting just to my left as I'm writing this entry. I don't know how he's going to respond to some of it. I know it's not always going to be funny or witty.

There's just been so much. It's tempting to say, "Whew! That's over," and march forward. But it's all still back there, just waiting. I have to turn back and face it down.