Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Regrets, I've Had a Few

I remember taking this picture. I know why I look so sad. I was trying to get a good shot of KristaBella, my hybridized White Lies Shaped Lace Tee. I'd had it finished for a couple of weeks, but I wasn't happy with it. I didn't like the way the cotton looked on me, I didn't like the length, and I didn't like the sleeves. I knew I wouldn't, even as I was knitting it. I regretted continuing on with the project.

I also regretted dropping out of the gym routine. I'd lost it, just completely lost it after the half-year mark for obvious reasons. It was a tough few months. Even so, I remember thinking, "Maybe I'd like this sweater more if I were ten pounds leaner. I screwed up and made the waist shaping too shallow, but maybe that wouldn't matter if I actually narrowed at the waist. Maybe it'd drape better."

I knew I was going to regret leaving that kitchen. Daisy, Falstaff and The Wolf are doing a fantastic job of keeping it beautiful, but I sure do wish it were still mine. I felt that way as I ran around the tripod to pose for this shot.

So that look you're seeing on my face? That's deep, aching regret.

All of that aside, it didn't come out too badly. It's a pretty, summery sweater. It's a nice fit, and it blocked beautifully. It turns out that this just isn't my style. When I wear it, I don't feel pretty or summery. I feel like a nouveau-bohemian Cal student. Oh, don't even get me started on Cal. Why the hell do they get to call themselves Cal, anyway? There are many universities in California. I went to two of them. Neither of my schools got to call themselves 'Cal'. What the Hell? And don't give me that "they were the first one" crap, either, because I don't give a good goddamn. Cal my ass. I don't particularly like Stanford, either, but I cheer heartily for them during every game they play against Cal. There's no explanation for it, really. I just hate Cal. So this sweater makes me irrationally angry when I wear it. Perhaps I should donate it or swap it away...

Details Section
The details are fuzzy, because it's been a while, and...ah, who the Hell cares?

Krista/Bella/Shaped Lace Tee from White Lies Designs.

Yarn and Notions
Cotton yarn from an old White Lies kit. It'd been in my stash for almost three years. I think it might have been Cascade Alpine. I could probably figure out how much I used and figure out how much I have left, but whatever. If you look at Joan's patterns, you'll get accurate yardage requirements.

The kit came with these lovely acrylic leaves for the ties. They're really the only reason I kept going.

Brittany. I don't remember the exact size. I think it might have been US 8s.

34" or 35", I think. I figured it was cotton and it would stretch, so that's the most logical guess I can make.

Summer 2007.

Too many to list. I took the parts of Bella that I liked, combined them with the gauge and sizing of Krista/SLT, and came up with this.

I don't like knitting with cotton. I miss my old kitchen. I hate Cal.

About Lucy

Thanks, everyone, for your sympathy. A.B. and I are alright. We had so many good years with Lucy, and she was so full of joy every single day, that we've been able to move right to reminiscing about her. We're past most of our grief. I believe that grief is often mistaken for regret. "I wish I'd..." "Now I'll never get a chance to..." "If only I'd..." I don't regret one single thing about our time with Lucy. A.B. and I know that we did the best we could for her, we gave her six and a half years that she wouldn't have had if we hadn't swooped in and adopted her, and we loved her unconditionally. It made it easier to make the right choice and say goodbye.

I think it's probably hardest on Buddy. His whole routine is thrown out of whack, and we know how important routine is to Buddy. I think he misses her. We didn't think that'd be a problem. We'd always assumed that he'd prefer to be our only non-human housemate. I don't know why we thought this - he'd always lived with other animals, aside from that first year we had him indoors with us - but we always believed he'd be happy by himself. The past couple of days, however, he's been wandering around downstairs and meowing. Food doesn't calm him down. Sitting him on the sofa and petting him doesn't work for very long. He still runs upstairs and throws himself on the bed next to me, but he doesn't stay there to sleep the way he did as recently as last Friday. Poor little fellow.

Well, don't tell him, but we may have something in the works to cheer him up. More on that later...


Jo said...

It's a lovely picture, and I don't think the sweater looks bad on you at all. I'm sorry Buddy is having a hard time on it. I remember as a teenager how hard it as on our poodle when our sheltie died. She kept wandering the house to all the places where the sheltie used to sleep.

allisonmariecat said...

I keep lurking and not commenting, so I thought I'd finally say hi. My heartfelt sympathy on the loss of Lucy. What a sweetheart. Animals bring so much to our lives.

I think the sweater actually looks great, but if it makes you angry, maybe you need to gift it or rip it out :) I've knit sweaters where I kind of knew I wouldn't like them, and they're still sitting in my closet years later. I should really either reclaim the yarn or find someone who'd love them.

The Kelly Green Rogue said...

hmmm, I can't wait to see what you have planned to cheer up Buddy! ;)