Winston's Review: Horstia Maulbeerseide-Schurwolle

Hello!

It’s me, Winston J. Schmidt.

I finally got a chance to review another yarn, because Suzanne hasn't learned that I can reach as high as the top of the pub table, even though I dragged her 40-year-old Raggedy Ann down from there and, well, things happened. Look for my review of Raggedy Ann yarn hair in the future.

Squirted! Squirted right in the FACE! I like it when it's not me!

Molly? I didn't get squirted in the face, because I think Suzanne kinda wanted me to do that so that she wouldn't have to make tough decisions about her dirty, old doll. Also, you have to throw a whole bucket of water on me to get me to stop doing stuff, which makes the squirt bottle kinda useless. And she didn't catch me with the yarn, so there's no proving that it wasn't you, even though you're not tall enough to reach up on your hind legs like a velociraptor and grab stuff off the counter, and you don't like yarn. So you didn't get squirted in the face, thanks to me making it ambiguous. You're welcome.

Anyway, I got a chance to review this ball of yarn, so here's my assessment.

Yarn: Horstia Maulbeerseide-Schurwolle

Yardage/Weight: 50 grams per 100 meters

Fiber Content: 50% Silk / 50% Wool

Color: Like, um, pasta? You guys, it really did look like spaghetti, and if a guy can't tell the difference, then you can't hold it against him for trying to eat it, right?

Texture: Single-ply, and sort of shiny and squeaky, and I hate to keep saying it but it really did look just like cooked pasta when it was sitting on the floor, where it just happened to fall after I gently brushed it off of the tall bar table with my face. I watched Suzanne try to untangle and re-roll the ball, and it looked kinda like it was already getting fuzzy and felted, and I don't like that stuff getting stuck in my jowls.

Flavor: Disappointing, because it didn't taste buttery or salty. After my last review, where the yarn had notes of barnyard and grass, this one was kind of a let-down.

Mouth Feel: Silky and slippery, and a little past al dente.

Review: Suzanne really likes this yarn, I guess. She made a sweater out of some of it that didn't look like pasta a few years ago, but then she accidentally felted it, which I could have told her would happen, since I did it just by chewing on it. A few years ago, when she heard it was discontinued, she bought, like, fifteen balls of it in this mustard color, even though she thinks it's going to make her look like she has jaundice.

To me, it's just O.K. It doesn't break easily in my mouth, and it doesn't taste like much of anything. Once I tangled up the ball a little bit, I lost interest in it. If she does make something out of it pretty soon, I probably would try to eat another ball, but it wouldn't be as good as that sheepy stuff.

In conclusion, Suzanne thinks it's great, but I wish she'd let me review more angora.

Sincerely,

Winston J. ‘Bug’ Schmidt

Winston's Review: Black Water Abbey Worsted

Hello!

It’s me, Winston J. Schmidt.

It’s been a couple of years since my first yarn review, mostly because Suzanne is usually too smart to let me review her yarns anymore. Lucky for you and me, she doesn’t know that I can stretch up on my back legs and reach stuff on tables without making any noise, and that I also learned how to silently stick my face in her purse.

Well, she knows NOW, Winston! She reads her own blog! We are so going to get squirted! Squirted in the FACE!

Molly, this is my review, and I do it my own way. That’s why it’s called “Winston’s Review”. I don’t get a lot of stuff that’s just mine anymore, so I’d like to do this all by myself, O.K.?

O.K., but if we end up out in traffic, it’ll be YOUR fault.


Yarn: Black Water Abbey Worsted

Yardage/Weight: 220 yards per 4 ounce skein

Fiber Content: 100% New Wool from Ireland

Color: Mountain, although Suzanne’s worried that they’ve changed the colors a little bit in the few years since she bought it. Their Mountain on the website is way more pink than this one. This ball looks like it’s closer to Ash Violet, although I can’t tell the difference by taste. I need to watch out, though, because if she runs out on account of me eating it, then someone's not going to get chippy snacks next time we have Burrito Monday.

Texture: 2-ply, and kind of rough when I first picked it up in my mouth, but then the lanolin kicks in and makes it really soft. It’s not at all hard to cut through it with my teeth. I was able to break it in three places, including one spot in the middle of the rolled ball, in less than a minute. The other day, I tangled up a good two-thirds of a ball pretty quickly, but she was able to roll it back up without having to break anything but the end where it met the knitting on the needles.

Flavor: Sheepy! And it smells like freshly cut hay, which makes it irresistible. Really. She should lock it up in a Winston-proof box when she’s not knitting with it, even for five minutes, because a guy can only take that kind of temptation for so long.

Mouth Feel: It seems like it’d be scratchy, but it’s actually kind of moisturizing and soothing, like if Suzanne put lotion on her legs and then put on socks, and then took off the socks and I put them in my mouth. You know. Like if that actually happened.

Review: This is a tasty yarn with a complex finish. It’s also hours of fun, and has a good re-chew factor. I’ve had the same ball in my mouth three times, and it still feels supple and substantial.

In conclusion, I really like this yarn. I wish I could walk around with it in my mouth all day.

Sincerely,

Winston J. ‘Bug’ Schmidt

Winston's Review: Rowan Calmer

Hello!

It's me, Winston J. Schmidt. I figured that since there still wasn't much going on with Suzanne's knitting, maybe I should help her out with the blogging. I thought I'd start with a yarn review, since I'm sort of an expert, at least on the yarns that she leaves unguarded. I know she was talking about modern art a couple of days ago, and I thought that was my cue to be creative with some found objects from her satchel, but I guess that was wrong, because I ended up on my tie-down and she spent two hours undoing what I did.

Yarn: Rowan Calmer

Yardage/Weight: 160m/175yds and...I can't read the grams because I chewed the tag. It looks like it might have said 50.

Fiber Content: 75% cotton, 25% acrylic.

Colors: 481 - Coffee Bean and 479 - Slosh. There's a 485 - Kiwi around here somewhere, but I couldn't find it in time to blend it in.

Texture: Plied, and maybe chained, and sort of crunchy from the dried spit where I'd already chewed on it a couple of weeks ago. It's really soft, like a good fleece toy.

Flavor: Tasty! I think it's the cotton.

Mouth Feel: It doesn't leave furry bits on my tongue or make me sneeze like the angora did. It's not squeaky when I chew it, not like the ribbon yarn. Even though it's plied, it's not too splitty, so I didn't end up with it stuck around my teeth.

Review: This is a nice yarn. It untangles and rolls right back up into a ball without looking too battered, and I should know, because I've tangled it up twice now. I did bite through a piece of the Coffee Bean, but it took a few minutes, so I guess that means it's a strong yarn. It comes in all kinds of subtle, sophisticated colors, and they all look good together. You can see in my work above that the blue and the brown look pretty cool when they're all wrapped around each other.

It's squishy and springy and I really wish Suzanne would leave it at home instead of taking it with her to work every day. It's not like I'm going to be able to get out of my crate and play with it, and even if I could get out of my crate, the first things I'd go after would be the throw pillows.

In conclusion, I really like this yarn. I like to walk around with it in my mouth.

Sincerely,

Winston J. 'Bug' Schmidt