Buddy Loves Rocky

Wait a moment, the Woman! That is not at all what I wanted you to say in the title. I want it to read "Gilded Cage of Fury: The Buddy the Cat Story". There should be a picture of me killing something, or eating something I've killed, or perhaps taking down the dog as though she were an undersized Cape buffalo. The tone is all wrong. Correct it immediately.

Yeah, but guy? You love The Rock. Just admit it. Look at the smile on your face.

I fell asleep reading, the Woman. I don't publicly embarrass you when you're caught off guard...

...caught off guard loving Rocky Maivia, son of Rocky Johnson, grandson of High Chief Peter Maivia...

You seem to know a lot about this, the Woman. Methinks you doth protest too much.

So I'm a fan. I had WWF figurines on my wedding cake. I know things about wrestling. This isn't about me. It's about you and your forbidden love for The People's Champion.

It's about your lack of appreciation for my innate elegance and suaveness. Your jealousy has made you mad.

Oh. Right. Nice lip mole, Scratchy.

The Woman! Stop this instant! I demand that you put up a picture of me that shows my charm and grace.

How about this one?

Please, for the love of God, stop.

Why? Are you afraid your secret boyfriend The Rock is going to see it? You luuuuuuuvv him. You know who else you love? You love Accountant Boy.

Yes, that's a given. He feeds me and he plays koosh-ball-on-a-wire with me. Good man, Accountant Boy...

...and you love Lucy...

I don't love her. I certainly don't miss her when she's not in the house. I don't meow at the door until you let her in because I miss her. I miss HUNTING her. Completely different. And this is an old picture. And I don't love her.

Rumor has it that you might, on occasion, even love me.

I do love you, the Woman. Let's not argue on this further. Why don't we forget the whole incident, yes? You won't post this entry, will you? It would be terribly embarrassing if other writers saw it. I'm trying to shop 'Gilded Cage' to publishing houses, and well...you know...my reputation...

Oh, Buddy. Your secrets are safe with me.